Relationships and Expectations

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The ones we consider our closest are often the ones who let us down the most especially when they are needed the most. Even in the healthiest relationships this is possible because very often feeling disappointed has nothing to do with the other person but with our expectations and needs.

Recently I shared a piece of news with a person I have considered my rock. Her response and the ensuing silence were shocking to the say the least. Considering the fact that I have always been there for her it hurt that her insensitive response really upset me. I sent back a message that was an attempt to set things right in a way but she refused to respond. This is the classical rant that we are all too familiar with when things work differently from our expectations.

Do we make things right or walk away?

1. Check if the relationship is important. The answer is usually YES. It hurts only because it is a significant. Then working on it is important.
2. Examine both perspectives as if you are a third person. This is just to gain objectivity. Very often every failed communication has small flaws on both sides that need to be addressed.
3. Communicate. The longer the silence the bigger the rift that will follow.
4. Forgive. Never hold the grudge. Let it go. Set new boundaries if you must but forgive.
5. Empathize. Check if the other person reacted as a result of concern or because he or she is going through something else they are unable to voice out.
6. Personal and professional divide. Check if the lines between your personal and professional expectations with the same person blur. This is often a reason when things cause friction. Ease out the role you no longer want to play in the context of the particular relationship.
7. Move on. If you feel you have given it your best and the other person is still entangled in the drama, self righteous anger or in any other state that pulls you down keep moving on. Life if not meant to pull you or anyone down. Life is meant to build us up and that can happen only when our relationships make way for a balance of respect and nurturing.

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