Intimacy is the practice of mutual authenticity – read this a week back and reflected on it deeply because it was so powerful.
Every relationship that stands the test of time is built on authenticity be it a partner, a friend or even a parent-child equation.
Being authentic is the foundation for a lasting, intimate relationship. Taking the risk to discover and share our deepest self with the other person and listening to them as they share their deepest self, creates a powerful connection between the two of us.
I read a while back that If you break down the word INTIMACY , it becomes ‘In-to-me-see’. The more willing we are to risk being seen, and the more willing we are to validate our partner or friend or parent or child taking the same risk, the deeper our intimacy becomes.
Our relationship is an integral part of all of our wants, hopes, and fears. It’s important to know what each of us wants and hopes for, and what each of us fears. Authentic intimacy grows from sharing our concerns, vulnerabilities, and appreciations as honestly and openly as possible.
Creating authentic intimacy –
1. Discover what strengths you draw upon to move in the direction of a fuller life. Being self aware is essential.
2. Discover how each of you inhibit yourselves and the other from living the life you/they want to lead.
3.Share your vulnerabilities. Possibly take the risk to share what you’ve never shared before.
4.Be aware of how you both view each other and your relationship.
5. Become aware of your identity together, the ‘us’, and how it is different from your individual identity, the ‘me’. Know what you feel good about in your identity and what you would like to modify.
6. It is important to know what each of you need from the other in the present moment. Address the past needs and future concerns too .
7. Being and staying open, present, and involved in each other’s life concerns helps us find the capacity to work better together to resolve any issues. We begin to acknowledge how both people in the relationship have the capacity and the resources to work on any issues.
8. Unresolved emotions from the past can cause doubts and resistance to change. Be aware and be kind to yourself and your partner or friend when these surface. Working through it together is more fun and makes the relationship stronger. This works like Magic in parent child relationship as well.
9. Deep listening and responding in appropriate and supportive ways goes a long way in building and sustaining intimacy.
10. Remember that relationships are dynamic and never static. Static relationships stagnate and become toxic. Intimacy needs work every day or at least several times a week with connection rituals like a task together, a phone call, a date, play….. Anything that helps to make a connection.
11. Intimacy is not a toxic attachment or dependency…. It is an authentic relationship that thrives within healthy boundaries and realistic expectations.